Personal Impact

This is The Opt-In. I’m Aurora Archer. 

In this season of the podcast we’re taking a look at a multi-year cultural competency partnership between The Opt-In and Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. We’re taking you along the ride of our victories … and what we have learned along the way.

This season makes a lot more sense in sequential order, so if you’re starting here, I encourage you to go back to our feed and start from Episode 37 – Why DE&I. 

In the last episode, the CHOP Foundation team shared what it takes for an organization to evolve their workplace culture, and some of the challenges that were encountered along the way. 

We’re coming to the end of our journey. And for the next two episodes, we’re talking about results…. what happened.

By the way… we know not everyone listens through to the very end of the credits, so if you, like us, are inspired by what you hear from the remarkable humans at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia then please make a donation to the CHOP Foundation. Go to https://chop.edu/giving. 

Today we’re talking about personal evolutions and how these changes have shifted the way people show up at work. OK, so there are a lot of stories we can tell you   about the ways people have been changed through The Opt-In Learning Program at CHOP. 

We heard from people who are having new conversations with their families about race … some people are asking for accommodations to meet their needs at work for the first time. But we want to bring you the experiences of two particular people IN this episode. 

These two CHOP Foundation employees both come from vastly different lived experiences … but they both left the learning program deeply changed.

So first, let’s get back to Patrick Flood — the person you heard at the top of the show who WOULD prefer to skip the small talk.

Patrick Flood: I am Patrick Flood. I work at Children’s Hospital Philadelphia Foundation. My pronouns are he, him. I’m a white cisgender. Chronic illness, chronic anxiety. come from a middle-class background, and all of those have informed this Patrick Flood that you see before you. My role here at Children’s Hospital Philadelphia Foundation is Assistant Director of Gift Compliance. You may be wondering what in the heck is that. Basically, all the gifts that come in, donations to CHOP, our department makes sure they get into the system. My job is to make sure we’re honoring donors’ intent. So if someone wishes to support a specific area, I make sure that we’ve sent the funds to that specific area. 

Patrick is a beautiful example of what cultural competency can do. He put a lot of work INTO the program with The Opt-In … which means that he also got a lot OUT of it. 

Which like I said … might be unusual for a white cis man. But Patrick attributes his vulnerability to two main qualities: one, his upbring and two, his chronic illness.

Patrick Flood: I have to give credit to my father [who], he grew up in West Philly and his neighborhood changed a lot as there were more black and brown families moving in and my family stayed. And so his perspective growing up, because I grew up in a white suburb, and so I didn’t see or hear diversity in that way, except through my father’s stories and eyes. And so that set the table for me to always have this other view on race that those around me didn’t necessarily have. And I always, because of my chronic kidney condition, I always felt as an outsider in a lot of ways. And so I identify with folks that feel like outsiders. So for me though, because I have that background. I can get to a place where I have the values, right?

But here’s the thing, having values is a start … but it’s different than actually LIVING AND EMBODYING your values. For example, I could say, as a manager, that I BELIEVE in pay equity …  but if I allow pay disparities to persist within my team over time…then am I really living my values?

Patrick Flood: The values are there, but there’s that subconscious mind, there’s that indoctrination of society that we don’t always recognize or want to see. And so I can say all the right things. [I can,]  I can know what my values are around it, but am I watching my mind at all times to see how I’m reacting? That I’m living my values, even in my thoughts? … I think that’s a struggle for allies is that feeling of, I’m a good person. I believe these things. And that’s not enough. That’s not enough. And we can feel like it’s enough because of the extremes that are going on in this world. Where we can, well, I’m not that. And because I’m not that, I’m good. And that’s not going to heal the world. That’s not going to create community. That’s just going to make you feel better about yourself.  And in the end, it’s a disservice to yourself. It’s a disservice to yourself. It’s a disservice to your institution. If you’re not willing to look honestly and with self-compassion …  that’s, that’s kind of, uh, something that’s extrapolated from, from this work with the opt-in within the foundation and then to my outside life that I can say I have all these values, but am I watching my reactions? And how can I move from reaction to response?

How do you move from reaction to response? It’s a BIG question. And it’s something that Patrick has been starting to practice in his daily life.

Like there was this one incident when Patrick was riding on one of the Philadelphia trolleys. It wasn’t for work, he was headed to a rehearsal for a musical he was working on. And remember he’s immuno-compromised. He’s actually had two kidney transplants, so during this whole pandemic, he’s been vigilant about wearing a mask.

Patrick Flood: So I was wearing a mask on the trolley. And I  had my earbuds in because I was trying to practice whatever song I was going to have to sing. And this, this woman sitting across from me, I heard her harumping. And I couldn’t understand what was going on. And  I thought I heard somebody say COVID’s over. And, and I was like, and normally I don’t like to, I don’t like confrontation. I don’t like having those conversations. I would just not go there. But For some reason that day I took my, my earbuds out. I said, I’m sorry, did you say something? And the woman said, I said, COVID’s over. And I was like, oh no, I understand. But I said, I’ve had two kidney transplants and I’m immunocompromised, so I have to wear a mask. And she’s like, oh, well, well you should really be wearing another type of mask, a better mask. And I was like, well actually. I ordered this specifically because it’s multi-layered and has some components to it that helped me. So we ended up having this beautiful conversation and relating around different churches that we’ve both been to. And she opened up to me about her brother that had kidney problems. And so it was this seeing intersections work in real life, having this conversation with someone. So it was very eye-opening for me. the importance of having that conversation.

Patrick could have just reacted. He could have been swept by anxiety and shut  down. Or maybe he could have gotten angry at the woman on the trolley. Patrick chose a different route. It wasn’t the easiest one, but was the most thoughtful.

Patrick also took this experience a step further. He didn’t just pat himself on the back and move on with his day. He actually brought this experience back to his cultural competency work with the CHOP Foundation and The Opt-In … and connected it to a bigger conversation around intersections.

Patrick Flood: I was given the opportunity after being a participant in The Opt-In to facilitate an intersection, or co-facilitate,  a session with some new hires. And so I was thinking about what intersections I wanted to share.

Then it hit him. The trolley incident. This small moment was an example of how your own intersectional experiences can be used to your advantage … so that you can be a more empathetic + connected person in your relationships.

Patrick Flood: Even though I’ve never really looked at my chronic condition as a privilege, in that moment, it served as a privilege for me. So I shared that at  the session for intersections and it felt important to not just list my intersections, but to show in real life the way it can help us have conversations, but also to help us be aware of our privilege in those conversations.

Patrick has also been practicing bringing his authentic self to the workplace. Which, as an immuno-compromised person during COVID, felt like a necessary skill to practice.

Patrick Flood: Working at CHOP during the pandemic, I was taken care of in a way that I could stay home away from people, know that I was safe. And some of my departments still had to go into, sorry, I’m going to get emotional. Had to go in still. Um, but they, they made sure I didn’t have to go in and, uh, and, and then to piggyback off of that with my anxiety, because of the way it got me during 2020, there’d be times where I’d have to open up about it in a way that I normally kept that in. I mean, you may think I was fine, and you may be like, oh my gosh, Patrick, that was an amazing speech or whatever. And I’d be like, well, little do you know, I just vomited outside. So like, that is in me and I hid that. I hid that from everybody and I couldn’t anymore. And so I got to speak that and speak it as a truth and I had support around it. And so that informs kind of, you always have to like flip, right? Like, like I am on this side being taken care of, right? But where, where can I be that person that,  you know when you come to me, there is no judgment. There is just, how can I help you? What can I do for you? 

Patrick leads with his heart. He’s using his experiences to connect more deeply  with people who come from backgrounds different from his … all the while being cognizant that he holds certain advantages that many people don’t. And with the help of a supportive work environment, he’s bringing so much of who he truly is to the job.

But here’s the thing – not everyone is a Patrick … and not everyone wants to bring their full selves to work. For some people, work is work, and they like to keep their private lives separate.

Nicolette Epifani: And I’ve often said here at the Foundation, what we wanna do is create an environment where folks get to choose whether it’s 100% of their full identity, 50%, whether it oscillates, given on the day and how much they wanna share. That is up to you, but what we want is for folks to feel like they have the space. I don’t even really wanna say permission. They have the space to share and to explore.

That is Nicolette Epifani. She’s the Associate Director of Foundation Culture at the CHOP Foundation.

Nicolette Epifani: First of all, it’s a moving target because organizational culture is constantly shifting. But the goal really is to find ways for staff to better connect to each other and to the mission of the hospital, whether that be in our hybrid environment and the tools we use to communicate with one another and creating intentional space for folks to share and connect beyond their job and their titles as whole people.

We’re going to switch gears here from Patrick’s experiences to Nicolette’s. What she’s saying is absolutely spot on. Human connection and balancing who we decide to be at work is a choice.

 A workplace that’s culturally competent doesn’t FORCE people to be authentically themselves at work. Rather it gives the space and comfort for people to bring whatever they want to bring.

For Patrick that’s meant bringing his intersectional identities and experiences living with a chronic illness. For Nicolette, that’s meant something different. It’s meant confronting aspects of herself that she wasn’t in tune with.

Nicolette Epifani: I’m peeling back layers of an onion  here where really what’s underneath all of that, which two years ago I hadn’t yet sort of really discovered, is that I personally have a really strong desire to know and a really intense fear of being caught not knowing. So this is something that personally I have been sitting with and trying to work through. And I think that it without a doubt impacted the way that I initially approached this work almost two and a half years ago because I felt more probably than anything external and internal pressure to have the answers for folks or a pressure to say the thing that was quote unquote right, but then what the process has sort of helped me unpack is right is also can sometimes be a moving target and it depends on who’s in the room or how much we’ve learned or how much we know. It’s a lot of ambiguity. There’s a lot of ambiguity that I feel like we sit in this work, which is why it can be challenging. And it is truly a marathon, not a sprint. 

Nicolette is pointing at so many beautiful things, one of which is the importance of learning to sit in the gray zone – becoming comfortable with the discomfort of ambiguity. And Nicolette is not alone in wanting the comfort of the binary – yes or no – good or bad – that feeling of wanting to be right. Perfectionism is actually a symptom of a white dominant culture that promotes binary thinking, drives separation, promotes unrealistic standards, creates stress, and amplifies self-criticism.

That might be a lot for people to take in. But think about it: who sets the standards for what is considered “perfect?” Perfection is an unattainable idea that makes us more individualistic and more stressed!

Once we can identify that perfectionism and binary thinking are qualities that do not serve us, we can start creating work environments that actually inspire creativity, curiosity, comfort in the gray-zone, and productivity. 

For Nicolette, all of this revelation has been happening over the past few years, in part because of The Opt-In learning program. And peeling back the layers of her desire to be right, led to even more revelations.

Nicolette Epifani:  And I think the other thing I’ve been sitting with is another, you know, one of the best drugs out there, self-righteousness. And there’s sometimes a temptation to lean into building off of the, I know there is a right answer, I have the right answer and I can give it to you.

Aurora Archer: So thank you, thank you for that, that was beautiful. I’d love to unpack, because you used another word, you said self-righteous. So let’s talk about self-righteousness. 

Nicolette Epifani: Let’s do it. I’ve been trying to understand what is up with self-righteousness and why is it so enticing? What about that is so enticing? I think some of it is back to this idea of certainty. That we are all really in the end searching for that or I’m searching for some level of certainty, something I can cling to with so much that I can’t control in the environment, in the world. There’s so much not in our control. And so I’m seeking sort of that certainty, something I can anchor myself on. And I think when we’re seeking certainty, we find an idea, we find other folks who validate our idea, who support it, who share it with us, who praise us for having the idea and speaking it. When I’ve taken a step back to really look at that, it’s actually in service of something that isn’t what I fundamentally believe, which is inclusion and belonging, because self-righteousness creates othering.

Let me tell you, I was vibing the whole time Nicolette was sharing. And what she’s saying is deep. Not only is this feeling of wanting to be right connected to  dominant culture … it’s also connected to a deep desire to make sense of a world that is filled with such confusion … and unfortunately so much othering and fear.

Plus as Nicolette identifies, the focus on being right robs us of self-awareness, reflection, connection to ourselves and connection to others. The opportunity we have is to truly examine and interrupt what we are thinking and why. There’s no room for dialogue if you’re right… it’s simply a conversation ender. 

If we want truly inclusive work environments … if we want a truly inclusive world, we need to be talking to each other, we need to create lines of connection + relationship with each other. And we need to be open to each other’s ideas. That’s what true connection is. 

I am in awe of the evolution that Nicolette is experiencing as a person and as a leader. When I asked her what guidance she had for anyone else embarking on a learning journey towards cultural   competency she said this … 

Nicolette Epifani:The first thing that comes to mind for me is slowing down. And I mean this in a couple of ways. I think very practically, if you’re in a space where the work is moving faster than you can make sense of it, raise your hand and say, I don’t know, or I’m not there yet, where are we going? What is the intention? If you feel like you need to be regrounded in the why or the intention or the purpose. raise your hand and ask that and say it. Hopefully, I hope that you’re part of a team that’s doing this work that encourages that and that embraces it and welcomes it. And sometimes maybe you’re the one that shows the way, maybe you’re not at the top of the hierarchical pyramid, but your role in this work can still be influential. And I’m grateful that I exist in an organization that has been the case. for me as an individual contributor in so many ways. And then the slowing down also as an individual for yourself to slow down and have time and space to decompress, to process. Having people in your life that you can have these conversations with, where you can just like really dump out all the puzzle pieces. And, you know, in our case, I’ve had, like I said, I’ve had that as a resource through The Opt-In and also have had that in my own personal life. Because sometimes you just gotta really fully let your hair down and you need space to  do that. So whether it’s personally, professionally, through a therapist, through a coach, through a something, see if there’s a way that you can get that sponsored by your organization. That’s something that we’re currently working on. I think that is really, really critical.

Slowing down isn’t as easy as it seems. Especially when we are indoctrinated in white dominant systems and expectations that keep us striving for an unattainable perfection. Our non-stop pace keeps us busy, and keeps us heads down … but doesn’t get us far. This is the reason that Mindfulness is centered within The Opt-In’s programs.

Let’s be CLEAR – we’re in a marathon not a sprint. And to achieve real shifts in our workplaces … in our world … we need to be strategic, we need to change hearts and minds and we need to begin behaving differently.

We can start by deepening our Self Awareness, slowing down mindfully, and consistently staying in the practice of learning and unlearning – just as Nicolette and Patrick have done and continue to do.Because that’s when behavior shifts and we start living our values.

And we know that these shifts don’t just happen on a personal level, they happen at a professional and organizational level, too.

Katie Muller:  I will just jump in and say that we’ve had 90% staff retention in our department the past two or three years since we started this work.

That’s next time.

You’ve been listening to The Opt-In. I’m Aurora Archer.

If you are enjoying this season of The Opt-In, don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast, and, if you can, leave us a rating or a review – it helps others to find us. And, please share with your friends, colleagues, and yes your bosses.

Music from this episode is by Jordan McCree

The Opt-In is produced by Rachel Ishikawa and Colin Lacey.

Our Theory of Change is co-created by Colleen Philbin.

Inspired by what you heard? Make a donation to the CHOP Foundation. Go to https://chop.edu/giving

Thanks so much for listening.